Stop Caring So Much! Find True Happiness Now!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
by Mark Manson
Self-Help
TL;DR
Stop trying to feel good all the time; negative emotions are useful. Realize that struggle and pain are necessary for growth and meaning – embrace the suck. Get over yourself; you're not special, and your problems are common. And most importantly, even if something isn't your fault, it's always your responsibility to deal with it. Figure out what few things actually matter and give a f*ck only about those.
Action Items
Next time you feel like crap (anxious, sad, angry), just say to yourself, 'Yep, I feel this. And that's okay.' Don't try to fix it or beat yourself up for feeling it. Just let it be, like a bad smell you can't escape for a minute.
Pick one small, annoying task you've been putting off (e.g., cleaning your gross bathroom, doing that boring online course module, making that awkward phone call). Do it, and consciously acknowledge that the discomfort is part of getting something done. Feel the suck, then feel the win.
Instead of complaining about that minor inconvenience (slow Wi-Fi, long line, annoying friend), just shrug and think, 'Yep, this is just life being life.' Don't make it a personal attack. Or, scroll through some 'first world problems' memes to remind yourself you're not the only one.
Pick one thing that's annoying you right now that you're blaming on someone else (e.g., 'My roommate never cleans!'). Instead of just complaining, brainstorm one tiny, concrete step you can take to make it less of a problem for you, even if it's not 'your fault' (e.g., 'I'll clean my own dishes immediately so their mess doesn't affect mine').
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Key Chapter
Chapter - Don't Try
Look, life is just a never-ending parade of problems. You can't escape them, no matter how much you meditate or manifest good vibes. The trick isn't to find a life without problems; that's a fantasy peddled by gurus selling snake oil and unicorn tears. The real game is figuring out which problems you actually want to have. Because you're going to have problems anyway. Do you want the problem of working your ass off for something you believe in, or the problem of feeling like a worthless couch potato scrolling through Instagram? Your life's quality isn't measured by how many problems you avoid, but by the quality of the problems you choose to solve. So, pick your battles, pick your struggles, and stop whining about the ones you didn't choose. Embrace the suck that comes with pursuing something worthwhile.
Key Methods and Approaches
The Feedback Loop from Hell
(AKA: Freaking Out About Freaking Out)
Description:
Understanding that negative emotions are a necessary and useful part of life, not something to be avoided or suppressed. Trying to feel good all the time creates a 'Feedback Loop from Hell' where you feel bad about feeling bad.
Explanation:
It's like getting stuck in a porta-potty at a festival. You feel gross, right? But then you start panicking about how gross you feel, and the more you panic, the more you sweat, and the worse the whole damn situation gets. Stop freaking out about freaking out. Just accept you're in the smelly box for a bit.
Examples:
Feeling anxious about a presentation and then feeling like a loser for being anxious.
Getting dumped and feeling sad, then feeling guilty for not 'moving on' fast enough.
Making a mistake at work and feeling incompetent, then feeling angry at yourself for feeling incompetent.
Today's Action:
Next time you feel like crap (anxious, sad, angry), just say to yourself, 'Yep, I feel this. And that's okay.' Don't try to fix it or beat yourself up for feeling it. Just let it be, like a bad smell you can't escape for a minute.
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